Uninvited: When Life Changes the Plans We Make
A conversation with Helen Slater about breast cancer, finding courage, retirement and learning to say yes to life.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and this month I wanted to share something a little different.
One of the greatest privileges of being a financial life planner is getting to know the people I work with, not just their finances, but their hopes, their worries and the lives they want to live.
I’ve had the pleasure of working with Helen Slater for several years. We’ve had many conversations about her future, particularly around retirement and what life might look like beyond work.
But sometimes, even when we know what we want, taking that next step can feel difficult.
Helen’s experience of breast cancer brought a different perspective to those conversations. She’s since retired and written a book inspired by her journey, using art and words to express what she experienced.
I invited Helen to share her story, in her own words.
Nila: How has your cancer journey changed your outlook on life? Helen says: I had been procrastinating for a few years about retiring and doing something different, despite speaking positively with Nila about my future and finances. She made me feel really good and each time I felt for a moment I could do it. Then I’d slip into the old ways and play it safe. Being diagnosed with breast cancer made me sit up and look at my life. After, it gave me the impetus to take that leap I had been putting off.
Nila: What inspired you to write your book? Helen says: I believe in the old saying: there is a book in everyone. But I had no intention of writing one. I did keep a diary during my experience but art was my language when words weren’t enough. It also highlighted how I spoke to myself. I completed 21 paintings in total about my thoughts, emotions and situations. And then felt compelled to share them each with the associated words. It was at this event that the idea for the book was born. It’s an honest reflection with original art work exploring what it means to face uncertainly, accept support and find hope when life changes without invitation.
Nila: What have you learnt about yourself along the way? Helen says: That I need to say "No" more often. And absolutely "Yes" to things that I really want to do. That sometimes I just have to get over myself! Good things are on the other side or fear or uncomfortableness. It’s a cliché but it is so true. I have now retired, and I didn’t combust. Navigating how that looks like now.
Nila: Have your priorities, or what matters most to you, changed? Helen says: I am more discerning as to what I want or need now. Although, this is still a learning curve. Things that were important to me, like going in the sea all year around was something I couldn’t do for a long while. I just had to be patient with myself. I want to travel more, but had to wait for my energy levels to come back. Again, being kind to myself (which is easier said than done) and not compare with what I could and couldn’t do. It’s a new equilibrium. I tell people more often now how they matter to me. Material things matter a lot less to me now. I’d rather grab a coffee with someone than buy something that I don’t need.
Nila: What message would you like to share with others going through difficult times? Helen says: This is hard as we are each so different. Be mindful when you are speaking to them. Ask them what they need. And if they don’t know (which is probably likely) then be OK with that and say reach out when you do know. Language used is so important. I personally couldn’t use Fight or Battle. Don’t constantly keep asking how they are. Ask what they want to talk about. If anything at all. They are still a human - not a diagnosis. Take a step back and listen to what they really need. It could be just to be listened to.
A Reflection from Nila
Helen’s story reminds me that we can make all the plans in the world, but life doesn’t always follow them.Sometimes change arrives uninvited.And while we can’t control everything that happens to us, we can think about how we want to live, what matters most and what we no longer want to put off. Thank you, Helen, for sharing your story so openly. I’m looking forward to seeing where this next chapter takes you.
Discover Helen’s Book - Uninvited
Helen’s book, Uninvited, brings together 21 original paintings and her personal reflections on her experience of breast cancer.
Through art and words, she shares what it means to face uncertainty, accept support and find hope when life changes without invitation.
If Helen’s story has resonated with you, you can explore her book here:
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